What do you do?

What do you do? It’s a simple enough question, however, it’s one that many people can’t answer. Because when you get right down to it finding clarity of purpose is hard. Articulating purpose is harder still.

Most of us will say that we want clarity in all things. We want clarity in our relationships. We want clarity in our jobs. We want clarity in the instructions that came with the still unassembled baby crib in the next room. We want clarity of purpose.

I believe we all want to be part of something bigger than ourselves. We want to know that we are spending our time doing something that matters, but most of us, we when you get down to it, are too willing to settle. Besides, the status quo is usually more appealing that clarity, and easier to live with too.

The status quo feels warm and cozy, which gives it the illusion of safety. And most people will trade almost anything they have to feel safe. A recent survey asked participants what they valued most, the top answer was “safety.” The number one answer to the same survey used to be “freedom.” But as the old saying goes, harbors are safer than the open seas, it’s just that ships were not made for harbors.

So what is it that you do?

Maybe you were never given a formal job description. Maybe the job you do is nothing like the job you were hired to do. And now you’re just maintaining and not creating like you had always hoped you would.

Like I said before, we all want to know that what we do matters, you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t. But to know if what you do matters, you must first know what you do.

So can you answer the question? What is it that you do? Or perhaps we should ask the question on a larger scale. Why does where you work exist? What is it’s purpose? Many people spend their days without direction or sense of purpose because their job has become a paycheck. They’re just punching the clock.

I had the opportunity to meet with the board members of a local private, Christian school, as well as the school’s director. In the course of our time together I asked them to take three minutes and write down why their school exists. Or asked another way, what was the purpose of their school. The only rule to this exercise was that they were not allowed to write down their mission statement.

There were five people from the school in the room and three minutes later I had five different answers. And I mean five very different answers. They were not even close. There were hardly any common words. It was almost like I was meeting with representatives from five different schools. There was nothing from their published literature and very little from their website on those pieces of paper. Everyone had their own vision for the school and at the same time nobody seemed to understand the school’s mission.

This is important if you’re trying to grow something. You can’t promote what you don’t understand

So here’s the rub, there are people leading organizations who can’t articulate the why they exist. I would venture to say that they have never truly thought about its purpose.

One of the best things ever shared with me is that in order to succeed I would need to answer two important questions; Who am I? and What is my purpose?

Let me rephrase those two questions in a way that gave them greater meaning to me; Who did God create me to be? and What did he equip me to do?

I think those two questions are amazing and demand that you be honest with yourself, perhaps more honest than you usually are. I know I had to be to get the answers I needed. If you answer them based on what you want the answers to be instead of what they are you’re just wasting your time.

Progress requires honesty.

A Life of Significance

“I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.” — Leo Rosten

Thoughts on MLK Day

Today we pause and remember civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King. I can still remember the first time I watched footage of his “I Have a Dream” speech in history class. As a young man growing up in South Africa in the 1980’s Dr. King had a profound effect on my life because the speech he gave on August 23, 1963 in Washington DC caused me to question the world I was raised in. That speech changed the way I thought about the people around me and was instrumental in my family moving to the United States.

The “I Have a Dream” speech is his most famous oration and students study it in classrooms around the world. We all have our own version of the “I Have a Dream” speech and most of those dreams are now for our children. They include that our children will feel safe at school and that they won’t be labeled as “disruptive” or “difficult” or “bad”. We all have dreams that our children will be accepted and not ostracized, that they will be included and not excluded. We dream that they will be understood and loved.

But I don’t want to discuss our dreams for them because I want to share something Dr. King said a little over a year after that famous day in Washington DC. The following quote is from the speech he gave in Oslo, Norway on December 10, 1964 when he accepted his Nobel Peace Prize. It is one of my favorites.

“I refuse to accept the idea that the “isness” of man’s present nature makes him morally incapable of reaching up for the eternal “oughtness” that forever confronts him.”

I love how he contrasts where we are (our “isness”) with where we should be (our “oughtness”). Our “isness” is the current state of events, it’s where we find ourselves. It’s the “now” that we live in. It’s where we are on the journey. But our “oughtness” is where we should be. It’s where we are called to be. It’s where we are meant to be. It’s the better day, the brighter tomorrow that we all long for. It’s where we get to stand in the sun.

The Nobel quote reminds me that nowhere is the contrast between “isness” and “oughtness” more evident than in the lives of our kids. They spend so much of their time living in fear when we want them to live a life free of fear. Through their own stories they have come to believe that adults can’t be trusted. That hurts us because we long for the day when they will trust us. It still hurts when they don’t trust us even though we know that we have to patiently and consistently walk beside them as they heal. We have to remember if we want to help them heal we need to connect with them and part of that connecting comes when we empower them.

I could keep going but there is no need. Our kids (like us) find themselves at a place of “isness” that is not their place of “oughtness”. We need to accept where they are on their journey and empower them and walk with them to where they ought to be. We have to help them find their voice. They need to know that thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter to us. We have to encourage them to express their feelings and we have to give them choices. We have to help them feel empowered.

We have to accept that our work is not done and that we need to stay faithful to the journey we are on. We cannot give up and we cannot give in because our kids need us. Our journey is one of empowering our kids, connecting with them, and ultimately being agents of healing in their lives. There is freedom in trusting safe people and there is freedom in living a life without fear. Dr. King believed that empowering people was an essential part of their journey to freedom. I couldn’t agree more.

This post can also be found on One Big Happy Home and Tapestry.

5 Keys to Building Better Relationships

I want better relationships, don’t you? Sometimes I feel like I spend more time thinking (or writing) about changing the way I interact with people than I actually spend changing the way I interact with people. I think some of you can relate. Change needs two things…ideas followed by actions.

Our example of the balance between ideas and action is Jesus. He didn’t only talk about healing the blind, He restored their sight. He didn’t only discuss the lame being able to walk, He made them walk. Jesus was a man of action. So I realize that for things to change I must change.

I’ve got to lead by example and so do you. Because if we’re going to be all that we were made to be then we need to take stock of who we are, and where we are, because for things to change I must change.

1. Be Proactive

Head for solutions before there are problems. If you initiate you won’t need to respond as much as you currently do. Don’t live in fear. Sometimes we don’t want to know the truth because, as Colonel Nathan R. Jessup famously told us, we can’t handle the truth. But your ability to deal with the truth does not change the truth. Since the truth is what it is you must run to it not from it.

2. Be Responsive

When someone reaches out to you respond to their needs. Instead of just talking about the things you need to do, you should go ahead and help. Don’t just engage in wheel-spinning exercises, but do things that help people with real needs. People respond to people who help them. If there is a need try to be the person who helps. If your child asks for some water because they are thirsty give them some water. Being responsive is not hard and it helps people realize that you care about them.

3. Be Transparent

I believe that your life should be an open book. What you see is what you should get. Your words and actions must be in alignment. Transparency includes admitting when you are wrong. This is hard for many adults. Admitting you were wrong to anyone can be very humbling but it is key in relationship building. Transparency leads to trust and trust is a precious gift.

4. Be Kind

As a concept it is easy to be kind but it can difficult to do. Sometimes when you’ve had a hard day and your kids are loud, and dare I say annoying, you must be kind to them. Because these are the moments when kindness is key. If you can be kind when you don’t want to be you’re a better person than most. You can make the world of difference with a kind word or deed.

5. Be Understanding

Everyone is struggling through this life. When those close to you face troubles they need to know that you are their ally and not their enemy. Life is hard and sometimes people just need someone who understands them. If you are not on the top of the list of people they come to for help you need to turn that around. If you are not their safe place they will find one. Knowing that you understand will go a long way to making you their safe place.

I believe that these five things are really important in building trust and improving relationships. What can you add that has worked for you?

6 Questions Everyone Should Ask

I believe there are six critical questions every ministry that is interested in growing and influencing people should ask. These questions should be asked not just to question things just for the sake of questioning them, but rather because the answers to the right questions will lead you to a better place. Rudyard Kipling called who, what, where, when, how and why his six friends who taught him everything he knew. I call the following six questions my friends who tell me everything I need to know about an organization.

1. What do we offer?
2. What are the rational benefits?
3. What are the emotional benefits?
4. What are our Icons?
5. What are our Values?
6. What is our Essence?

Each one of those six questions reveals who you are and what you do and are essential as you determine your plan and your identity. Without carefully and honestly working through each of these I believe you are headed for and an identity crisis, stagnation and potentially failure.